Saturday, March 15, 2014


I mentioned in my last post the health problems I've been having. They aren't letting up,  and I'm not handling it well. After a nightmare pain episode I ended up in the emergency room again last week, convinced my kidney was shutting down or I had a stone stuck. The Dr, a fellow "stone maker" had the mercy to give me a stronger pain medication,  but didn't order additional tests because the pain & symptoms I was having are typical for a person with chronic kidney stones.  I emailed my new urologist,  who is on vacation,  and pleaded to be seen by someone sooner. So, Thursday,  my mom took me to see a different urologist in the same office.

I read up on him. His specialty is in men's health and sexual dysfunction.  I had a bad feeling that my lack of penis might be an issue.

He pulled up a month old ct scan (this is important because I have literally had xray's a week apart showing no stones/10 stones.... that's how fast I make them) and told me that while I may have stones in my kidney, there is no possible way they are causing me pain. He told me that just isn't possible,  and sometimes people have unexplainable chronic pain that nothing can be done about. He referred me to pain management and suggested I need counseling.  (Yes, I know. That is why I see a therapist,  a psychiatrist and participate in two different support groups. Thanks though. )

He humiliated me, invalidated my pain and made me feel like a drug seeker. And the sad part? This is a common reaction from doctors who are unfamiliar with a condition or who encounter a patient who doesn't present with textbook like symptoms- and are too busy or self important to consider that just because something is outside their realm of experience, does not mean that it isn't real and it isn't treatable.

My life is hell right now. It hurts to move... and that makes everything so much harder. He may be right, stress may be exacerbating my condition,  but I'm doing everything in my power to try and keep moving forward. I need help. I need a doctor who, even if they don't understand,  is willing to research, do tests and try whatever works so that I can have a productive life.

I'm terrified I'm never going to find that. That I will be given pills to cope and then punished, looked down on, for needing to take them. That this will get worse and worse until I am bedridden or can no longer cope with the pain and take drastic measures.

I never thought I would be 34 years old and feel like I was 80... happy if I can make it through an entire shift at work just to come home and lay perfectly still until the pain (hopefully) abates enough to allow me to make dinner & help with homework.

I certainly didn't need another battle, but I guess I get one anyway.

No comments:

Post a Comment