Well, we made it. Monday was the one year mark of Jason's death. I wish I could say I felt better, but mostly I'm just relieved... we made it one year, we can make it another, right? No matter what happens, we will keep living. And loving and missing him. The biggest lesson I've learned from all this is that the world doesn't stop turning, even when your world ends.
On Monday I took the kids to Santa Cruz and we ended up at a beach Jason & I visted together when we first met. I wrote him a letter and sealed it in a bottle and set it out to sea. Then, we climbed up some cliffs overlooking the ocean and sprinkled some of his ashes. The other beachgoers pretended not to notice as we sat, huddled under a blanket and sobbing, watching the sunset.
Then, we went and got mint chip ice cream cones (Jason's favorite) for dinner.
I go back to work tomorrow. I'm nervous, just because its been awhile, but ready. I miss my job and my work family.
I need to get my carpets cleaned and sign my kids up for tae kwon do. I need to do my taxes and bug my kids about cleaning their room. I really need to get back on my diet and schedule a ladies night with my girlfriends.
Life goes on, even with gaping holes and broken hearts.
Here we go.